The Shower Attack!
by 0-MrDragon-0
Summary: Zero's head rose sharply at the sound of strangled cries coming from the bathroom, Yuuki!


Really, Zero shouldn't try to do nice things for Yuuki...

**The Shower Attack!**

"_WAAGHH! Doobuughh! KAAAAA!"_

Zero's head rose sharply at the sound of strangled cries coming from the upstairs bathroom. Dropping his book and leaning off the couch he sniffed the air lightly but even his highly sensitive vamparic senses couldn't sense an intruder. 'It just has to be my luck that the day the Chairman is at a meeting Yuuki gets attacked in the bathroom' he thought bitterly. Really, fate had kicked him up the ass so many times why shouldn't it want to have more fun with him?

However, today Zero was not in the mood to let fate have her fun so he thought slowly through his options, '1. I run up to the bathroom, try to tackle the intruder and hope that Yuuki doesn't get hurt. 2. I try to catch the intruder after he has incapacitated Yuuki. 3. I wait for the intruder to make off with Yuuki and follow him to find out who he's working for. 4. I ignore this whole thing and assume that Yuuki can take care of herself...'

The slow grin that broke out on Zero's face after thought number four was truly terrifying and several small china dogs shattered themselves in an attempt to escape his sadism. But then he shook his head and reminded himself that he cared for Yuuki and it really was in his best interests to follow option number one.

The sounds of further strangled cries emerging from the bathroom finally geared Zero into action and he leapt lightly off the couch into a crouch against the wall where the stairs fell into the sitting room. A further test of the air with his nose proved that indeed he couldn't manage to smell anything past that truly horrific 'Baby Pink' shower wash he had gotten Yuuki for her last birthday.

Zero made a quick mental note to never again simply stand in a soap shop with his eyes closed and trust to luck that he would find a decent present. It had caused several shoppers to look at him strangely (not that he should have been aware of this as his eyes were closed) and had also caused a highly embarrassing scene with an old woman and certain parts of her, err, anatomy. Zero shook his head violently in remembrance of the horrific shriek the old hag had let out. It wasn't his fault that her, ahems, were at his perfect arm height and he thought they were just squishy bottles.

Needless to say, he had grabbed the first bottle of feminine hygiene product that he could see, paid for it, of course, and then legged it out of the shop at top vampire speed to escape the cries of "PERVERT!" that followed him. The only saving grace to the entire affair was that Yuuki had been so ecstatic that Zero had gotten her a present (What? It wasn't HIS fault if he happened to forget occasionally when her birthday was) she had proceeded to use it immediately. The after effects of which being that Kaname, whose nose was far more sensitive than Zero's, his being a Pureblood and all, was unable to approach Yuuki for an entire week due to the unearthly stench of sweetness coming off her.

Yuuki had been distraught and Zero had thought that he finally might have won... until the Pureblood discovered nose plugs and his excuse to Yuuki for wearing nose plugs was that he had extreme hay fever, which only made her fawn over him even more.

The thought of Yuuki simpering over Kaname made Zero scowl darkly and begin to review his '50 Best Ways To Kill Kaname' plans but he was once again foiled from his plots as he heard Yuuki give her highest pitched scream yet. Several glass windows shattered in their frames and Zero winced at the almost ultra-sonic level of Yuuki's voice. In fact, for the first time he began to wonder whether Yuuki really needed his help to fend off an intruder and whether said intruder might already be in a coma. His book had just gotten so interesting as well...

But more screams convinced Zero that he was truly needed to play the hero and save the day so he began his slow ascent of the stairs, the theme tune to Mission Impossible playing mentally in his mind as he stalked closer to his ultimate goal. A large creak from the third step from the top made him pause momentarily but he couldn't sense any intruder trying to wrestle Yuuki from the bathroom.

The entire scenario was starting to seem a little strange in Zero's mind. The bathroom window was too small for an adult to fit through so in order to attack Yuuki the intruder would have to have entered through one of the bedroom windows and then forced his way into the bathroom. But no! Zero suddenly remembered. The bathroom lock was broken! Yuuki was an easy target! But the prolonged cries, either Yuuki was putting up a heck of a fight or the intruder never had any intention of removing her from the bathroom. Zero felt his blood run cold at the thought. The intruder also had to be someone who knew their way around Cross' apartment.

This left only one candidate in Zero's mind, Kaname! The sick vampire had snuck into the bathroom to force his wicked way on Yuuki and Zero could bet that the only protection she now had against the Bloodsucker was the 'Baby Pink' shower wash. Surely the stench would even be enough to overpower a Pureblood with a noseplug!

Now secure in the knowledge that it was Kaname attacking Yuuki, Zero knew he had to be even more stealthy in his approach lest he give away his element of surprise. Having reached the top of the stairs he dropped to his belly and began an army crawl along the corridor. The army crawl served two purposes, it let Zero feel he was being more stealthy and it also allowed him to escape from the worst of the sickeningly sweet 'Baby Pink' steam as it floated along the corridor above him. Eyeing the steam as one would a dangerous animal Zero found himself confronted with the latest of Yuuki's pleas for help.

"_AaWaughh! BEE!"_

A slight slither of fear crept down Zero's back as he imagined how his fight with Kaname would most likely turn out. He hadn't brought his Bloody Rose and there certainly wasn't time to run and fetch it but he reminded himself that it was Yuuki's honour at stake and slowly drew himself to full height in front of the bathroom door.

Only to bend over double again in an attempt to escape from gagging at the 'Baby Pink' smell.

"_KaaaWEEEEEEEEEE!!"_

'YUUKI!' Zero thought desperately.

This was no time to fear the deathly smell of 'Baby Pink'! Zero once more drew himself up courageously and threw himself at the bathroom door!

* * *

Upon throwing himself through the door, yelling at the top of his lungs, Zero was greeted with the sight of Yuuki, in a shower cap, blinking at him confusedly, lathering on 'Baby Pink', with no one else in the bathroom, trying to sing along to the radio, naked... WAIT! WHAT! NAKED!!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"

Zero threw his hands over his ears as Yuuki's scream hit new decibel levels.

"ZERO YOU PERVERT!!"

He gave the mission up as a lost cause and ran from the bathroom as fast as vamparicly possible, several missiles of soap and rubber ducks flying past his head as Yuuki continued to scream her indignity at the situation.

Zero's hasty retreat found himself in his bedroom with his door locked, fearing the wrath of Yuuki Cross, and his face still burning bright red with the embarrassment of catapulting himself into the bathroom with Yuuki in the shower. Well that was the last time he ever tried to do anything nice for that girl! All that ever happened in the end was that he gets called a pervert!

Although, he wouldn't mind it if Yuuki really did need saving one day while she was naked...

* * *

**A/N** Hope you enjoyed!

Please also check out the Vampire Knight story that Natarii and I have written, its under our pen name **Natarii.and.Rat-chan**


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